Boredom is the enemy.

We are coming up on 5 weeks home. With all the holiday celebrations and lack of school until next year, boredom has revealed itself to be a dangerous enemy. We have spent a lot of time working on figuring out new things to do to teach new patterns of activity to fill our day. Many things we do are not interesting to our new daughter and somethings are difficult because of the language barrier. Thankfully we have gotten thru the Christmas celebrations without issue as Joy had never celebrated the holiday in China. She was happy with her gifts and thankful for the generosity from family. 

Grief is a deep, fluxuating constant that is always there and never lets one know when it will surface. Most times the worst time is at night when all is quiet, or during the day when there is "nothing to do". Grief cannot and should not be burried or ignored. We know the waves will arrive, just not when. We do the best we can to comfort, show grace and talk through the waves of grief, anger, questioning and rough patches. God is so good and even through the rough days He gives us strength, teamwork and grace to make it thru. 

Joy, jessica and Jared are adjusting as well as can be at this very early period. Sibling relationships and the dynamic of 3 instead of 2 is working itself out and forming new patterns of life in our home. I am so thankful for their hard work and grace as Joy adjusts to the family. Jessica was born to be a middle sister and is taking to the new role with grace, energy and a teasing big sister expertise. :) 

We thank you all for continued prayers for our family. For all the stress and change and grief and growing pains we have had over the past 7 weeks, we know it will be many more months and even years before our family heals and adjusts. Pray for wisdom as we seek guidance to parent well. Prayers for dr appointments and treatments. Prayers for Joy to realize just how much we love her and realize she can love us and accept us without feeling as though she is betraying the love and care she received from her foster family in China. 

Please also pray for Joel, as we learned shortly after returning from China that He was laid off from his job. We know God has a plan, yet this timing seems harsh for us! We know we can trust Him and pray that you will lift us up before the Father and that a new job opportunity will show itself! 

All in all we know we can praise Him through this storm. 

Day by day

Day by day, and with each passing moment,
Strength I find to meet my trials here;
Trusting in my Father’s wise bestowment,
I’ve no cause for worry or for fear.
He, whose heart is kind beyond all measure,
Gives unto each day what He deems best,
Lovingly its part of pain and pleasure,
Mingling toil with peace and rest.

https://www.hymnal.net/en/hymn/h/713

I love the old hymns. They have so much meaning and encouragement that is relevant to my every day. We have been home for 2.5 weeks. Each day is new and each day is survived. There is so much brokenness in adoption. Culture shock, loss of ALL that is familiar, language issues. Any time one is taken away from what they know and must live a new life, there is trauma. How one handles the trauma is as unique as each person who experiences it. 

We are taking each day at a time and figuring out how this new family of 5 is adjusting. We are coming up on christmas break, hopefully this will be a good thing and we have more time to spend as a family. Holidays are never easy for one who has gone thru trauma. We will see how Joy does and adjust accordingly.

Looking back at our last few weeks, i can see how emotional everything has been. Adoption is never easy. We are now on a road that is brand new for all of us. We love this little girl as if she has always been here. The problem is, she doesn't know it! I am praying that sooner rather than later she will see just how much she is loved by so many. I praying soon she will see how she is loved by the most important person in the universe. God! We pray every day for her to see him. That he will open her heart to this new knowledge of Him. 

Trust takes time. We know that she may not love us or even see us as family for a long, long time. We are willing to wait. It is hard when she doesnt understand that some things we don't allow are for her safety.  But we continue to lead and guide her thru this new life in our family. There are day to day glimses of what things may be like in years to come. We do our best to help her through her grief, and rejoice when she is enjoying our family. We pray the joy will outlast the hard times in weeks and months to come. 

If we haven't talked to you or called since we returned, know that each day we are surviving. We continue to ask for prayers as we go day by day. You can always call. If i don't answer it isn't because i don't like you, im just busy with something at the moment. Don't give up on us. This adjustment period can be very lonely. We want to get back to "normal" but the thing is, we are creating a new normal. We are emotionally overwhelmed and most days i feel so drained, i go to bed and weep. God is my strength and i know He has great plans for us. Growth hurts, is tiring, but the outcome is worth it.