8.5 weeks home. Where has the time gone? We have begun our school day schedule and days just seem to fly by. I was reading through some of my posts from earlier last year. I am amazed at how God has moved in our lives and our hearts. I need to be reminded how God has been there through the unknowns and see how He has orchestrated impossibilities into possibilities. I need to see that because some days i ask why things have happened the way they have happened.
We really do grow in the hard times. My faith keeps me grounded when all seems to be falling apart. Hatred, anger, grief, resentment are daily my reality. Not how I feel, but the words and actions of a little girl who has left everything she knows. Her new reality is nothing like she imagined. Normal family life is not what one sees in movies and tv. This is not hollywood. As reality sets in and our daily schedule absorbs one more into the family, she is resistant to the change and fights against it. Culture shock truly is real.
It is not all bad, but each day is new and we are thankful for the good days and prayerful thru the bad days. We do the best we can to guide and love and remind that she is loved unconditionally. Each day we read the Bible and pray. I am so thankful for the English/Mandarin Bible i found earlier last year. She has been underlining verses and taking notes. God can move more than any words of ours can do. I pray that she hears him through His word.
We thank you for your continued prayers. We still have a long way to go and pray one day she will see us as her family and realize she has been loved from the beginning.
Tuesday, January 20, 2015
Thursday, January 1, 2015
A New Year to keep trusting.
A year ago, today, we were waiting to hear about our Pre Approval to adopt a
beautiful 11 year old. Now a year later, I wonder at how quickly time has gone
by. This time last year I was talking about how slow days were passing. Now we
are home 6 weeks and each week I am amazed at how quickly time is passing!
Honestly, there is nothing in a book, work sheet, training, counseling or friends that can prepare us for reality. It is helpful to have a general clue and research, but each individual story and situation is truly one that is unknown. Setting out with hopes and dreams for how we envision life with our new child really does a disservice to her. There are so many factors involved and unless we have walked in her shoes, we have no clue. Every adoption holds fear, sorrow, loss, brokenness, insecurity, change, stress, anger, fear...
Prayer and an openness to learn as we go is the one approach that has helped our new family survive. I will admit, I was very upset that I did not have all the answers I wanted. Throughout the year of 2014, I searched and asked for as much information as I could. The answers I received were few and far between. The answers I wanted to hear turned out to be half-truths and misinformation. One thing I know now with my 20/20 hind sight is that God protected my heart. He continually said "Trust me, you do not need to know". I kept saying in Faith that there were so many unknowns that caused me to worry, but deep down, there has always been a steady unending peace about it. The torrent of emotions that ran through me at times were so powerful and frightening, but even in my most stressful moment, there was a current of deep peace that held me above all the turmoil. The peace that passes all understanding. It is hard to explain. I truly think there is no way to understand it unless you are in the place where you need it most.
Having so many unknowns and yet knowing we would still continue to move forward allowed me to keep an open mind. I did not dream about what our family would look like. I did not dream about how our daughter would feel being part of our family. I kept preparing to figure it out once we were home. Our two older children have been wonderful in their help in this remolding of our family. We understand there is grief and loss for our new daughter. We understand that she came from a loving foster family and was so sad to leave them. We understand she did not want to leave China. We do not always understand why God has put us all on this path, but we know day by day as we work through the fear, grief, language barrier, anger, sadness and adjustment that God is working in us and through us.
We have a long road ahead of us. We are starting out 2015 with uncertainty. Joel is currently looking for employment as he was laid off from his previous job just before Christmas. We have school, doctors’ appointments, language tutoring, and many other things pressing on us to accomplish. We know God has gotten us through this past year and has helped us meet every need. We know we can trust him in this time of drought. We don’t know why things like this happen, but we trust in Him who is the giver of life. We can be content in all things. Sometimes we need to learn this contentment through trial. We grow when things are difficult. We rely on God and praise him for how he has worked in our family through 2014.
As we move into this New Year, we pray for you. We pray that you will see God working in your life and see that He loves you and cares for you. Our faith is stronger for the trials we meet. I truly can say, if not for God, I would not have made it through this change to our family. I would have given up, I would have turned and run. It was too hard. It was impossible to face. But with God, He kept me going. He carried me. It is still hard, still impossible to do on my own, He is still carrying me, He still keeps me going. Thank you for your prayers and continued encouragement.
Honestly, there is nothing in a book, work sheet, training, counseling or friends that can prepare us for reality. It is helpful to have a general clue and research, but each individual story and situation is truly one that is unknown. Setting out with hopes and dreams for how we envision life with our new child really does a disservice to her. There are so many factors involved and unless we have walked in her shoes, we have no clue. Every adoption holds fear, sorrow, loss, brokenness, insecurity, change, stress, anger, fear...
Prayer and an openness to learn as we go is the one approach that has helped our new family survive. I will admit, I was very upset that I did not have all the answers I wanted. Throughout the year of 2014, I searched and asked for as much information as I could. The answers I received were few and far between. The answers I wanted to hear turned out to be half-truths and misinformation. One thing I know now with my 20/20 hind sight is that God protected my heart. He continually said "Trust me, you do not need to know". I kept saying in Faith that there were so many unknowns that caused me to worry, but deep down, there has always been a steady unending peace about it. The torrent of emotions that ran through me at times were so powerful and frightening, but even in my most stressful moment, there was a current of deep peace that held me above all the turmoil. The peace that passes all understanding. It is hard to explain. I truly think there is no way to understand it unless you are in the place where you need it most.
Having so many unknowns and yet knowing we would still continue to move forward allowed me to keep an open mind. I did not dream about what our family would look like. I did not dream about how our daughter would feel being part of our family. I kept preparing to figure it out once we were home. Our two older children have been wonderful in their help in this remolding of our family. We understand there is grief and loss for our new daughter. We understand that she came from a loving foster family and was so sad to leave them. We understand she did not want to leave China. We do not always understand why God has put us all on this path, but we know day by day as we work through the fear, grief, language barrier, anger, sadness and adjustment that God is working in us and through us.
We have a long road ahead of us. We are starting out 2015 with uncertainty. Joel is currently looking for employment as he was laid off from his previous job just before Christmas. We have school, doctors’ appointments, language tutoring, and many other things pressing on us to accomplish. We know God has gotten us through this past year and has helped us meet every need. We know we can trust him in this time of drought. We don’t know why things like this happen, but we trust in Him who is the giver of life. We can be content in all things. Sometimes we need to learn this contentment through trial. We grow when things are difficult. We rely on God and praise him for how he has worked in our family through 2014.
As we move into this New Year, we pray for you. We pray that you will see God working in your life and see that He loves you and cares for you. Our faith is stronger for the trials we meet. I truly can say, if not for God, I would not have made it through this change to our family. I would have given up, I would have turned and run. It was too hard. It was impossible to face. But with God, He kept me going. He carried me. It is still hard, still impossible to do on my own, He is still carrying me, He still keeps me going. Thank you for your prayers and continued encouragement.
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