Prayer and Faith

Life has a funny way of moving along. There are different perspectives and view points along the way. I feel like the last 19 weeks have gone by in a blur, but at the same time, have taken forever. Life outside our home has blazed past and we miss special dates, holidays, events and parties. Our family has pulled back into itself to create a space of consistency, normalcy and safety. Part of this reasoning for staying home is because we are all exhausted, and partly to provide "family" for our new daughter to depend on. 

In the past few months Joy has begun public school with a wonderful teacher and new ELL program. She has specialized classes for kids who do not have a lot of english. She is inundated with english language learning all day and tends to come home exhausted. We have begun to break through her resistance to being here as she sees we are who we say we are and we continue to be consistent. I have been able to figure out through conversations with her some of her fears and misconceptions she had with our family. She is finally beginning to settle more and lash out less. We do still have hard days and a lot of emotion, but it is just like with our older teens, they have bad days as well! 

Joel and I have been seeing an excellent attachment therapist whom we met with a few times before our adoption. She has been able to help us realize some trauma and hurt in our own lives and how they have shaped us as it resurfaces while caring for a child with trauma. As we mirror our daughter's hurts and fears, it makes us face our own fears. If we don't deal with them well, it will be impossible to help her feel and deal with her own issues. This world is so broken. We pray every day for healing. Only God can heal a broken heart and give us all the strength and courage we need every day. We are praying this for all our children that they would lean on God day to day and know that He is there for them. Our happiness does not depend on our circumstances, it depends on the love God has for us and what He has called us to do while we are here. 

As our whole family has changed and reshaped itself to take in this new family member, there is pain, there is hardship, there is loss. We have lost a bit of how our family used to be, she has lost everything familiar, yet she still has not realized how much she has gained. By joining our family, she has heard the gospel, read the Bible and knows of the God of the universe who has made her who she is. We pray that one day she will be able to share her savior with others. That makes everything about this journey worth every tear, penny, sleepless night, heartache, laughter, learning curve and trial. God has called us to "go and adopt this child" and we did. Now we lean on Him to help us through all the unknowns and joys on this journey. I am so glad we listened.