I recently read a blog post about how adoption and "gotcha days" are
born out of great grief and trauma. These kids are leaving everything
familiar. It may be a life that is full of hunger, fear, cold and pain,
but that is familiar and what they have learned to survive. Taking a
child from what they know and placing them in a new culture,
environment, new language and new faces is down right terrifying! We
need to keep this perspective when we look at our children who are born
in our hearts. To have compassion and patience when our own expectations
are not met. To have love and grace when we are exhausted and
emotionally stretched.
November 20th marked the day we
came home to America as a family of 5. But it also marked the day that
Joy had to leave her home of 12 years. It is a day that began a new way
of life for a frightened pre-teen in a strange country with people she
did not know or trust or see as family.
I think back on
the first 5 months with new eyes. I wish I could have known what I know
now. I wish I could have seen more, done more. But I know that what I
did know and what I did do, is a huge reason we are where we are today. I
did not take the outbursts personally. It was her expression of grief. I
did not fear that she didn't like us. She was mourning the loss of
those she loves in China and we were complete strangers! I did not give
in to her arguments and complaints because I knew once she understood
that the rules were truly for her safety and that we love her, that she
would be ok.
One year in America, but it is not a
celebration. There is still a lot of adjustment to work through. She has
learned so much in this last year. The most important things we want
her to know are:
- God loves her and has a plan for her life
- We love her and want her to know it everyday
- We do not want her to ever forget her Chinese heritage, language or culture
-
If one day she wants to live in China, we will support her and make
sure she is well equipped to live an independent lifestyle.
- She is ALWAYS and will ALWAYS be part of our family.
As
someone who has experienced so much change in her life, we know there
will always be that missing part of her. The questions of identity will
always be there. We don't know if we will ever know who her birth
parents are. But she has loving foster parents who will always be a part
of her life and Adoptive parents (us!) who love her as our own. And a
brother and sister who say they feel she has always been here, she just
doesn't know English.
I am thankful God called us to
this new life as a family of 5. Though there have been hard days, they
are fewer and far between. We know this road is long and there is a
lifetime ahead of us where God is going to continue to work in us and on
us! We continue to pray that He would guide us and keep us.
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