Adoption is Trauma

If there is one thing I have learned from this journey, adoption involves trauma. If I can recognize the trauma involved in adoption, I can start the healing process. Any child separated from their birth mother experiences a degree of trauma. Whether they realize it or not, it is there. Separation from care givers, foster parents, country and language. There are so many points along the journey to cause pain and sadness. If we can recognize the "tantrums" and "acting out" as a child's way of dealing with trauma, we are better equipped to deal with it and come along side them as they grieve. 

The last 13 weeks have been very hard. Adoption is not easy. No matter the age of the child, adoption is hard. We are learning so much. I am thankful that today is better than last week. Even though we are still living day by day and surviving, each day is getting better. We are still a long ways away from where I want to be as a family of 5, but thankfully we can see small glimpses of what it could be. 

So, day by day we build trust. Day by day we do our best to become a family of 5. Her heart is still firmly in China. One day we are praying that she will accept reality that she has a life here in America and her options, if she stayed in China, would not have been good. I pray one day she will realize this and see how much we love her. 

Joel and I are continuing to meet with an attachment therapist. I am so thankful that we had counseling before the adoption. Adoption brings up unresolved issues in our own lives as we try to meet the needs of a child who has trauma. Self care, rest, and the ability to keep our marriage strong as we wade through the waters of deep grief is so important. 

Next week, Joy begins public school. We hope that the daily business of school will help her adjust better. She is not used to so much free time every day and does not know what to do with herself. I also need to just be Mom. Trying to teach her at home and be her Mom is not working too well. We are praying that some time at school will advance her English more than what she can learn here at home and help us to bond more as mother and daughter.

Psalm 18: 16-36

²⁵ To the faithful you show yourself faithful,
    to the blameless you show yourself blameless,
²⁶ to the pure you show yourself pure,
    but to the devious you show yourself shrewd.
²⁷ You save the humble
    but bring low those whose eyes are haughty.
²⁸ You, Lord, keep my lamp burning;
    my God turns my darkness into light.
²⁹ With your help I can advance against a troop^[e];
    with my God I can scale a wall.

³⁰ As for God, his way is perfect:
    The Lord’s word is flawless;
    he shields all who take refuge in him.
³¹ For who is God besides the Lord?
    And who is the Rock except our God?
³² It is God who arms me with strength
    and keeps my way secure.
³³ He makes my feet like the feet of a deer;
    he causes me to stand on the heights.
³⁴ He trains my hands for battle;
    my arms can bend a bow of bronze.
³⁵ You make your saving help my shield,
    and your right hand sustains me;
    your help has made me great.
³⁶ You provide a broad path for my feet,
    so that my ankles do not give way.